Saving Ash(book #2) Chapter-three

Ash

Dr. Crew is waiting on my answer. ‘What type of relationship are you wanting with this woman?’

All I can hear is the clock ticking on the wall above his head, the traffic outside, and her. For three weeks, she was quiet—gone from all corners of my dark mind. Then last night, she came back, haunting me in my dreams—nightmares. But this time, it was different.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I don’t know how to have a relationship—normal relationship.”

“Well, that depends on your definition of normal.”

“I’m not sure if I have one.”

He doesn’t respond, only looks at me while tapping his pen on the tablet held in his lap.

“The fact that you are here, Ash, tells me, that you are wanting something different. So, can you tell me what that is? I’m aware of your alternative lifestyle. What is different about this one?”

What is different this time?

“I would have to say, myself. I’m different.”

“How?”

Taking a deep breath, I force myself to talk about my feelings. Something I hate.

“It’s like there’s more of them…feelings. I only feel one thing—control.”

“In all facet of life, or only sexual relations.”

“I don’t have sexual relations. I fuck. That’s it.”

My voice comes out a bit stern. He settles back in his chair, then writes something down in that damn book of his. “Sorry, I’m a bit confused.”

“No, don’t be. You’re finally expressing yourself. Please, go on.”

Go on?

“This girl, Cinder…I feel she’s different.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, maybe because she is much younger than me.”

“Perhaps you’re hoping to find a childhood that you lost. Experience what it’s like to be young again. It’s not uncommon for men to want a younger woman—making them feel younger themselves. But I will testify, it sometimes has a backward effect.”

“And what’s that?”

“It can also make you feel older. Age is something we cannot change. And to be with a younger woman, we often find ourselves involved in younger company. Therefore, we find ourselves often being the oldest in the crowd—making us feel older.”

“I see. But I assure you, Dr. Crew, this is not what it’s about.”

“Well then, there is one thing we can eliminate. So, lets talk more about finding your youth. You’ve said in past visits, you didn’t have one.”

“That’s correct. My childhood and early teens were…not like the average teen boy. There was no nurturing. And what I thought was love…wasn’t.”

I need to end this session here. I don’t want to talk about her. I need to find a better way to close the door to that past.

“Yes, let’s talk about that.”

And there it is.

“Doctor, all I can say is, the evil that was done to me…became my obsession. Something I crave and couldn’t get enough of. That became my love. It’s the only thing I know.”

He writes this down in that notebook, then looks back up to me.

“And, to live in your…lifestyle, keeps you connected to the past? Or, does it keep you in your boundaries?”

“Both, I would say.”

“Let’s get back to this girl, Cinder. What is it that you like about her?”

“What I like with every sub—their submission.”

But the contract is dissolved. Cinder is no longer my sub. And that, is what I need to know. Why I need her around.

“And why did you need to see me today to discuss Cinder?”

“Because I’ve asked her to move in with me. I’ve never lived with anyone. I only keep people. And then when I’m done, they have to go.”

“And how is this different with her?”

“I might want to keep her…longer.”

***

Saving Ash© 2024 Gina A. Jones rights reserved under the International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, organizations, events or locales is entirely coincidental.